Stop and Slow Down

So its been a long time since i have written, so heres a post. i have been super busy with school and i had my gal bladder taken out. i have also been helping at the warming center so all that stuff has kept me really busy. while being in the hospital there was many things that i learned and that i seen and heard from god that i want to share. first i want to say is that it was very painful to have my gall bladder taken out. i was laying in the bed on Thursday and i was alone and waiting to go in for surgery and i really felt gods presence like i have never felt it before. it wasn't like a over whelming feeling is was a peace feeling like he was sitting there and just holding me. he was there and for the first time in my life i felt completely held and in that moment i could not help but cry. that feeling has been with me and i cant shake it and frankly i don't want to shake it:) when i was laying in bed i thought to myself that the reason i got sick was so i could slow down and focus on what god is teaching me and stop trying to figure everything out on my own. thats about what is going in my life at the moment.

Let Love Carry You

Coming home from womens retreat wow what a weekend. god really showed up in more ways then i have ever experienced before. every time that i have ever shared my story i always left that conversation feeling really messy and wondering if that other person thought i was to messy. i had the opportunity to share my story with someone that i didnt really know i mean i have seen her and meet her through some other friends but thats it. i told her my story in a way that i have never told it before. i just told her everything and i mean everything. after telling her i felt refreshed and it felt so good. i have no idea why i felt like that but i did. i felt gods hand leading me through the whole thing and that was crazy awesome. just being back for three days now i can feel the change that my heart is undertaking and its crazy painful but free at the same time. love has carried me through and when the storms of life starts to take over love has carried me. allow gods love to pick u up, right where u are and carry you.

Womens Retreat Here I Come

Sometimes in the chaos of life i forget how much god loves me. i have noticed that throughout my day i see god working in my classroom, in people i have never meet, and so on. it takes little things like that to make me see how much god cares for me. i am embarking on a new adventure tomorrow as i go to womens retreat with all different types of women from church. i can just feel god stirring something big for me on this trip. i am going with open eyes to see and a open heart to experience everything god as for me on this trip. i do have to admit i am really nervous because i am going to be around a lot of women for 3 days. thats makes me say ok god i know i am going for a reason and i don't know what that is but i am trusting that you have it all taken care of. i look forward to the conversations i am going to have and the messages that are going to be spoken to my heart. i pray that i god moves not just within me but in every women going.

To Be Known

We all want to be known and want to be loved and i think that sometimes we get lost in the things of this world a lot. so often we want the newest thing or the new look but in the end will it matter if u have the newest thing..no not at all. So why do we want those things because we want to be known for something weather thats the latest look or tech device people take notice to that kind of stuff. Next time something new comes out they will look to you to have it. you will be known for whatever it may be. what if we were known as people that lived and loved like jesus with everything that we had. Imagine what that could look like for u and the lives of your friends and family. so can we put down the newest you fill in the blank and fix our eyes on our creator. just a thought i had and the way that i am living my life to be known not for what i can get out of something but how god can use me and move through me to reach his children.

What A Week Its Only Wednesday

wow what a week and its only wednesday. i have managed stay up past 1am doing homework for three days in a row, i have drank more coffee in the last 3 days then i have in the last month. its just been crazy busy with tests and papers due almost everyday this week. i like to learn but i dont like all this homework. its been good to just be still when i can and its been hard to find time but i have to because whenever i am i just calm down from the stress of life and let god love on me. thats been something that i have been learning that no matter how busy i get i love spending time with my father and thats what keeps me grounded everyday. these lyrics are a song that i found that i really like.

You Are Everything-Matthaw West

Where would I be without someone to save me Someone who won’t let me fall You are everything that I live for Everything that I can’t believe is happening You’re standing right in front of me With arms wide open All I know is Every day is filled with hope You are everything that I believe for And I can’t help but breathe you in

Out Of My Hands

this all is so out of my hands and into the hands of where it belongs. for so long i just wanted things the way that i wanted them and well let me tell you it didnt work out so well. there are to many things that i dont understand so i put my trust that its in your will and its all in your hands. i put my faith hope and love in what you have for me and where you are leading me. i have no idea and no control over where that might be, but thats ok because it all comes from you my father.

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Things Are Changing

Things are really changing and thats something that i am having a hard time with. Its really hitting me that i no longer have most of my friends here to talk to or hang out with and that really sucks. I have alot of people here that love and support me but its just different. I miss my friends alot. Its been hard because i have grown close to alot of people and now they are not here. it was hard to say goodbye and watch them walk away because my biggest fear is that like in past goodbyes they never came back. Given these are different people and different situations i am still scared. i no that god has big plans for my friends and i no that he has big plans for me and cant wait to see what all those plans are. School started and thats just different altogether. I dont really know anyone and its just a different set up. I can miss class and i wont get a detention or anything like that. its cool in a sense that i can do what i want but there really isnt any stucture. Things are changing and god is the painter of this whole masterpiece i may not no where i am going next year or what i may be doing but i do know that his love is true and real and is showing me right where i need to be.