Goodbye 2011 and Bring on 2012

I cant believe that yet another year has flown on by. This was one of the most interesting years of my life thats for sure. I moved back from IN and while that was such a change it was what i needed to grow and mature within myself. I started working full time and that for sure has kept me plenty busy. Went on a few vacations with some good friends and enjoyed summer. The biggest change this year is the passing of my brother in July. The one thing that i could change is to have him back. That was the beginning of the last few months that didn't really look how i thought they would. Three really important friendships have not really been present. I started Wounded Heart and that was a good 10 weeks or so of really deep healing in deep parts of my heart that had yet to be discovered. I have learned that this season or year of my life has been one of great pain and great healing. Tho i have no idea where i stand in the eyes of two of those friends i trust that god knows my desire to be in relationship with each of them is strong. So i wait patiently for god to make all things work together for his good and his timing. As 2011 comes to a close at 11:59 tonight i thank god for all he did this year and look forward to all he will do and heal in 2012 Happy New Year

Random Thoughts All Over

Over the last few weeks so much crap has been thrown my way and God has continued to provide in the ways that i needed him to. There has been so many people that i thought i could trust and they turned there back on me. I am choosing to trust God in the middle of all the messy. There are friendships that i have no idea where i stand and what i mean to them and i will wait and trust that those friendships will be ok no matter what the outcome. I stand in the truth of who i am no matter what people say about me. I am a strong, fighter and i will not back down from the fight that is waging for my life. I will not shut down when the devil try's to distract me from what God has for me. I will not fear the war and i will not fear the storm because my god will always come through. So ya those are my thoughts for the moment.

I May Be Weak But Ur Spirits Strong In Me

Wow what a long two weeks it has been for me and my family. Two weeks ago my little brother Joe passed away. The last few weeks have been very crazy. My feelings and emotions have been so over the map its crazy to feel so many things in such a short amount of time. Over the past two weeks i have felt the embrace of my Valleybrook family more than ever before. The prayers that were said for my family during this time of grief have been felt and have truly helped the healing process. I may be weak right now and sometimes don't know what to say or feel but i know one thing i am loved. God has been there even stronger then ever during this time and has just held me and let me be mad, sad, tearful. In the midst of my hurting heart and loss of my little brother i turn to God for healing and vision on what this now means for me and my family moving on with life without him. I turn to him when all i want to do is shut down and go numb cause its easy. Luckily i have many people in my life that see my heart.They call the truth out in my life and don't let me settle for going numb and i am so grateful for that. So i know that i am weak right now but i know the spirit is so strong in me. The hunger to pursue god is deeper than ever and the drive i have to not settle for numbness out ways any lie the enemy might sneak in. Depending on my father, Chrissy!!

Completely Unrestrained

Unrestrained- Jeremy Camp

Another day that is lost
A moment that I've cost
But I can feel Your arms of hope and grace

I'm holding on so dear
A promise You are near
Your loving kindness never fails

So take this selfish heart of mine
I want to give it all
I've wasted too much time
And melt away everything that's not of You

I want to know You more
So much deeper than I do
Completely unrestrained

I'll give my life away, every single day
A price so small for what You gave
I'm desperate for You
Shape my heart into the very image of what I'm to be

I'll give my life away, every single day
A price so small for what You gave


Another day that is lost
A moment that I've cost
But I can feel Your arms of hope and grace

This is the song that is kind of my life song right now. the words

"'i'll give my life away, every single day

A price so small for what You gave
I'm desperate for You"

thats my heart i am desperate for what god has for me. i am hungry for freedom and as much as it hurts sometimes i want truth. i can feel the change happening in me and the roots that are deep within. i have spent much time over the past week seeking god in a new ways and some work for me and some dont but its all ok cause i am seeking god. ya thats about all i have for now.
Shape my heart into the very image of what I'm to be

Moving, Mentors and Truth

Its about time to move into our new house and i am feeling a bunch of feelings about moving. I am excited to move and start something new i am also feeling sad i have lived in the same house for 10 years and tho some of those years have brought pain and hurt in that house i have learned many lessons and have grown deeper in God. This house represents where god met with me in the lowest times in my life and met with me in the happiest times of my life. This new house is so different from the house we are moving from its alot bigger but somehow my room is smaller. Thats about it about moving. I am starting a new chapter with moving, mentors and truth. My mentors have been such a blessing over the last few weeks as i have met with them and shared my heart and felt truly safe. i am learning what it means to truly accept what safe looks like and what it means to be who god is calling me to be. i am truly hungry for truth and everything that comes along with that. i am coming to real grips that i am a daughter of the lord most high that he choose me and that he has a real plan for my life. The summer is here and i so look forward to all that god has planned for me through the VYC Internship. so till next time stand in who u are !!

Things Hit Right Between The Eyes

So today was one of those messages at church where u leave feeling wow that was just what i needed. Maybe it was the people that sat around you, the worship u just needed to hear or the overall message. Today was all three as i sat near close friends that have walked with me through a lot of heavy things in my life. The worship that spoke something brand new into my heart or the message that spoke to a whole new room in my house of my heart. Rooms of my heart have had makeovers and complete demos but today i discovered there are more rooms then i ever cared to see. Maybe a room that has had a secret door where another room awaits healing and the discovery of whats rooted deep in the corner. Today as i sit and try and process through some stuff that is in those deep corners i discover i have been given eyes to truly see whats in there. the old me would have seen whats in there and said no way close that door way to messy. But here i am and i see what the mess is and say god have your way in this room and remodel and restore the broken. i see more then ever today that i have been stuck because i have opened this door before and closed the door because it was to shameful to look at and what i have been up to, but today i stand and say enough i want god and all that he has for me even if that means i am messy. god would never bring me through something if he didnt first prepare the way for me. I stand in the truth of who i am today a little bit stronger.

Just Living For the day

Peacemaker, Fear Taker, Soul Soother, Storm Smoother
Light Shiner, Lost Finder, Cloud Lifter, Deliverer,
Heart Toucher, Truth Lover,
Who other could be Fear Taker, Peacemaker to me,

Mind Clearer, Sigh Healer, Hand Holder, Consolor,
Wound Binder, Tear Dryer, Strength Giver, Provider,
Heart Healer, Kind Father,
Who other could be, My Savior, Peacemaker to me,
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/greg_ferguson/peace_maker.html ]
Let Your Peace Rule in my heart,
Let Your kindness fill my thoughts,
Let Your strength secure my soul,
Let Your peace take hold in me,
Let Your Wisdom guide my will,
Your compassion fill this place,
Let my anxious thoughts be still,
Let Your peace rule in my Heart,

[Chorus]
I need You,
(Let Your Peace Rule in my heart, )
I need You,
(Let Your kindness fill my thoughts, )
I need You,
(Let Your strength secure my soul, )
In My Life Lord,
(Let Your peace take hold in me, )
I Trust You,
(Let Your Wisdom guide my will, )
Believe You,
(Your compassion fill this place, )
I need You.
(Let my anxious thoughts be still, )
Lord, in my Life I Know
(Let Your peace rule in my Heart, )

(Repeat Chorus)

Heart Toucher, Truth Lover
Who other could be, Fear Taker, Peacemaker to me

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/greg_ferguson/#share

So this song has been on my favorite playlist for about 3 years now and every time it plays i really stop and it brings me back to where i first heard this song. It was a retreat that i went on and this is one if the reflection songs that played on repeat for a long time maybe thats why i can sing all the words without the music. There a just a few songs that i feel that have changed my life and this is for sure one of them. I know a lot of the things that god is but when hearing this song it made me actually feel the things that are my father. As i walk through different seasons of my life and see how faithful God has been this song plays and i just have to say thank you to him that holds my life.