I May Be Weak But Ur Spirits Strong In Me

Wow what a long two weeks it has been for me and my family. Two weeks ago my little brother Joe passed away. The last few weeks have been very crazy. My feelings and emotions have been so over the map its crazy to feel so many things in such a short amount of time. Over the past two weeks i have felt the embrace of my Valleybrook family more than ever before. The prayers that were said for my family during this time of grief have been felt and have truly helped the healing process. I may be weak right now and sometimes don't know what to say or feel but i know one thing i am loved. God has been there even stronger then ever during this time and has just held me and let me be mad, sad, tearful. In the midst of my hurting heart and loss of my little brother i turn to God for healing and vision on what this now means for me and my family moving on with life without him. I turn to him when all i want to do is shut down and go numb cause its easy. Luckily i have many people in my life that see my heart.They call the truth out in my life and don't let me settle for going numb and i am so grateful for that. So i know that i am weak right now but i know the spirit is so strong in me. The hunger to pursue god is deeper than ever and the drive i have to not settle for numbness out ways any lie the enemy might sneak in. Depending on my father, Chrissy!!

Completely Unrestrained

Unrestrained- Jeremy Camp

Another day that is lost
A moment that I've cost
But I can feel Your arms of hope and grace

I'm holding on so dear
A promise You are near
Your loving kindness never fails

So take this selfish heart of mine
I want to give it all
I've wasted too much time
And melt away everything that's not of You

I want to know You more
So much deeper than I do
Completely unrestrained

I'll give my life away, every single day
A price so small for what You gave
I'm desperate for You
Shape my heart into the very image of what I'm to be

I'll give my life away, every single day
A price so small for what You gave


Another day that is lost
A moment that I've cost
But I can feel Your arms of hope and grace

This is the song that is kind of my life song right now. the words

"'i'll give my life away, every single day

A price so small for what You gave
I'm desperate for You"

thats my heart i am desperate for what god has for me. i am hungry for freedom and as much as it hurts sometimes i want truth. i can feel the change happening in me and the roots that are deep within. i have spent much time over the past week seeking god in a new ways and some work for me and some dont but its all ok cause i am seeking god. ya thats about all i have for now.
Shape my heart into the very image of what I'm to be

Moving, Mentors and Truth

Its about time to move into our new house and i am feeling a bunch of feelings about moving. I am excited to move and start something new i am also feeling sad i have lived in the same house for 10 years and tho some of those years have brought pain and hurt in that house i have learned many lessons and have grown deeper in God. This house represents where god met with me in the lowest times in my life and met with me in the happiest times of my life. This new house is so different from the house we are moving from its alot bigger but somehow my room is smaller. Thats about it about moving. I am starting a new chapter with moving, mentors and truth. My mentors have been such a blessing over the last few weeks as i have met with them and shared my heart and felt truly safe. i am learning what it means to truly accept what safe looks like and what it means to be who god is calling me to be. i am truly hungry for truth and everything that comes along with that. i am coming to real grips that i am a daughter of the lord most high that he choose me and that he has a real plan for my life. The summer is here and i so look forward to all that god has planned for me through the VYC Internship. so till next time stand in who u are !!

Things Hit Right Between The Eyes

So today was one of those messages at church where u leave feeling wow that was just what i needed. Maybe it was the people that sat around you, the worship u just needed to hear or the overall message. Today was all three as i sat near close friends that have walked with me through a lot of heavy things in my life. The worship that spoke something brand new into my heart or the message that spoke to a whole new room in my house of my heart. Rooms of my heart have had makeovers and complete demos but today i discovered there are more rooms then i ever cared to see. Maybe a room that has had a secret door where another room awaits healing and the discovery of whats rooted deep in the corner. Today as i sit and try and process through some stuff that is in those deep corners i discover i have been given eyes to truly see whats in there. the old me would have seen whats in there and said no way close that door way to messy. But here i am and i see what the mess is and say god have your way in this room and remodel and restore the broken. i see more then ever today that i have been stuck because i have opened this door before and closed the door because it was to shameful to look at and what i have been up to, but today i stand and say enough i want god and all that he has for me even if that means i am messy. god would never bring me through something if he didnt first prepare the way for me. I stand in the truth of who i am today a little bit stronger.

Just Living For the day

Peacemaker, Fear Taker, Soul Soother, Storm Smoother
Light Shiner, Lost Finder, Cloud Lifter, Deliverer,
Heart Toucher, Truth Lover,
Who other could be Fear Taker, Peacemaker to me,

Mind Clearer, Sigh Healer, Hand Holder, Consolor,
Wound Binder, Tear Dryer, Strength Giver, Provider,
Heart Healer, Kind Father,
Who other could be, My Savior, Peacemaker to me,
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/greg_ferguson/peace_maker.html ]
Let Your Peace Rule in my heart,
Let Your kindness fill my thoughts,
Let Your strength secure my soul,
Let Your peace take hold in me,
Let Your Wisdom guide my will,
Your compassion fill this place,
Let my anxious thoughts be still,
Let Your peace rule in my Heart,

[Chorus]
I need You,
(Let Your Peace Rule in my heart, )
I need You,
(Let Your kindness fill my thoughts, )
I need You,
(Let Your strength secure my soul, )
In My Life Lord,
(Let Your peace take hold in me, )
I Trust You,
(Let Your Wisdom guide my will, )
Believe You,
(Your compassion fill this place, )
I need You.
(Let my anxious thoughts be still, )
Lord, in my Life I Know
(Let Your peace rule in my Heart, )

(Repeat Chorus)

Heart Toucher, Truth Lover
Who other could be, Fear Taker, Peacemaker to me

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/greg_ferguson/#share

So this song has been on my favorite playlist for about 3 years now and every time it plays i really stop and it brings me back to where i first heard this song. It was a retreat that i went on and this is one if the reflection songs that played on repeat for a long time maybe thats why i can sing all the words without the music. There a just a few songs that i feel that have changed my life and this is for sure one of them. I know a lot of the things that god is but when hearing this song it made me actually feel the things that are my father. As i walk through different seasons of my life and see how faithful God has been this song plays and i just have to say thank you to him that holds my life.

Learning to Live Fully Alive

Over the past few weeks things have been all over the radar for me. I still need a place to live i still need a job but i am living different in my heart i feel more alive than ever before. I trust that God has all the details of a new home and job in his hands. I am learning what it looks like to stand and fight for myself and not allow the people/things of the world to get the best of me. I want with everything in me to only live to bring glory and honor to my king. I have allowed myself to be honest about things that have to go and be gone for a while or forever. Letting go of things is hard for me because i am a people person and try to make everyone happy all the time. The people pleaser is leaving and the GCI is shining through. Living different is hard and not fun at times but at the same time is filling me with joy and hope i have never had before, i am finding all i need in the only perfect God. So this time in my life when things are all over the radar my heart is moving and growing in ways i never thought i be at. Today i sit and look back over the last month i have been back, wow so many things i wanted to do and have done by now and tho alot of those things didnt happen God is faithful in giving me what i need in his timing. Learning to live fully alive

Untitled

I have been back in Eau Claire for two weeks and its seems like everything that could go wrong is. I cant find a job and thats is hard cause i need one really bad. It seems like the more that i look for one the harder it is to find one. I have looked everywhere and there are places that are hiring but i dont have any type of degree so it makes it hard to find something good. I am trusting that God will provide the job he has for me. Wednesday of this week my mom and i found out that we have to move. Our landlord died, the house sold and now the new landlord is jacking the rent up my 300 and my mom cant afford that. She is moving in with Roger and I have no idea where i am going. All i have is to trust in is God and his timing for everything. I am feeling lost and scared in this but now that i dont have to worry and be fearful of what may or may not happen i cling to the life of my father. the verse that keeps coming to me is“But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil.” (Proverbs 1:33). That verse along with others is the driving force that keeps me.