School and Other Randomness

This summer was a great summer and I really had no idea what this upcoming school year was going to look like for me. I applied to Oak Hills Christian College in MN and really didn't think that, that would be where I would end up. I got accepted and headed to college far from what I was used to. School for me has been one of the most rewarding things that I have been apart of. The many friendships I have built will be friends I will have for life thats how close a small student body we have. The student body here is about 150ish students. The small campus is like a family there is always someone around to do stuff with and also there are places where you can go and be alone. There have been some struggles being away from home thats for sure. I miss my church family like crazy and the deep relationships that I have back home. I have been learning a lot about myself and how I relate to people. The people in my life are such a blessing. There have been a few rough patches along the way but  even the hard and rough times God has me. Things that have went down have not got me down they have made me turn to God more for his direction. God has been shaping my heart and ya there have been some tripping blocks along the way but thats how u learn to trust God more. This song is the song that is playing in my heart.
There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms
And that is the place where I'm changed
And that's where I belong
Take me to that place Lord
To that secret place where
I can be with You
You can make me like You
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in your arms
      This is my prayer that I am changed by the love of God even when I want to do my own thing God refuses to leave me in the place of being stuck. I will continue to chose God because even when the hard stuff hits he has my heart.
 

Goodbye 2011 and Bring on 2012

I cant believe that yet another year has flown on by. This was one of the most interesting years of my life thats for sure. I moved back from IN and while that was such a change it was what i needed to grow and mature within myself. I started working full time and that for sure has kept me plenty busy. Went on a few vacations with some good friends and enjoyed summer. The biggest change this year is the passing of my brother in July. The one thing that i could change is to have him back. That was the beginning of the last few months that didn't really look how i thought they would. Three really important friendships have not really been present. I started Wounded Heart and that was a good 10 weeks or so of really deep healing in deep parts of my heart that had yet to be discovered. I have learned that this season or year of my life has been one of great pain and great healing. Tho i have no idea where i stand in the eyes of two of those friends i trust that god knows my desire to be in relationship with each of them is strong. So i wait patiently for god to make all things work together for his good and his timing. As 2011 comes to a close at 11:59 tonight i thank god for all he did this year and look forward to all he will do and heal in 2012 Happy New Year

Random Thoughts All Over

Over the last few weeks so much crap has been thrown my way and God has continued to provide in the ways that i needed him to. There has been so many people that i thought i could trust and they turned there back on me. I am choosing to trust God in the middle of all the messy. There are friendships that i have no idea where i stand and what i mean to them and i will wait and trust that those friendships will be ok no matter what the outcome. I stand in the truth of who i am no matter what people say about me. I am a strong, fighter and i will not back down from the fight that is waging for my life. I will not shut down when the devil try's to distract me from what God has for me. I will not fear the war and i will not fear the storm because my god will always come through. So ya those are my thoughts for the moment.

I May Be Weak But Ur Spirits Strong In Me

Wow what a long two weeks it has been for me and my family. Two weeks ago my little brother Joe passed away. The last few weeks have been very crazy. My feelings and emotions have been so over the map its crazy to feel so many things in such a short amount of time. Over the past two weeks i have felt the embrace of my Valleybrook family more than ever before. The prayers that were said for my family during this time of grief have been felt and have truly helped the healing process. I may be weak right now and sometimes don't know what to say or feel but i know one thing i am loved. God has been there even stronger then ever during this time and has just held me and let me be mad, sad, tearful. In the midst of my hurting heart and loss of my little brother i turn to God for healing and vision on what this now means for me and my family moving on with life without him. I turn to him when all i want to do is shut down and go numb cause its easy. Luckily i have many people in my life that see my heart.They call the truth out in my life and don't let me settle for going numb and i am so grateful for that. So i know that i am weak right now but i know the spirit is so strong in me. The hunger to pursue god is deeper than ever and the drive i have to not settle for numbness out ways any lie the enemy might sneak in. Depending on my father, Chrissy!!

Completely Unrestrained

Unrestrained- Jeremy Camp

Another day that is lost
A moment that I've cost
But I can feel Your arms of hope and grace

I'm holding on so dear
A promise You are near
Your loving kindness never fails

So take this selfish heart of mine
I want to give it all
I've wasted too much time
And melt away everything that's not of You

I want to know You more
So much deeper than I do
Completely unrestrained

I'll give my life away, every single day
A price so small for what You gave
I'm desperate for You
Shape my heart into the very image of what I'm to be

I'll give my life away, every single day
A price so small for what You gave


Another day that is lost
A moment that I've cost
But I can feel Your arms of hope and grace

This is the song that is kind of my life song right now. the words

"'i'll give my life away, every single day

A price so small for what You gave
I'm desperate for You"

thats my heart i am desperate for what god has for me. i am hungry for freedom and as much as it hurts sometimes i want truth. i can feel the change happening in me and the roots that are deep within. i have spent much time over the past week seeking god in a new ways and some work for me and some dont but its all ok cause i am seeking god. ya thats about all i have for now.
Shape my heart into the very image of what I'm to be

Moving, Mentors and Truth

Its about time to move into our new house and i am feeling a bunch of feelings about moving. I am excited to move and start something new i am also feeling sad i have lived in the same house for 10 years and tho some of those years have brought pain and hurt in that house i have learned many lessons and have grown deeper in God. This house represents where god met with me in the lowest times in my life and met with me in the happiest times of my life. This new house is so different from the house we are moving from its alot bigger but somehow my room is smaller. Thats about it about moving. I am starting a new chapter with moving, mentors and truth. My mentors have been such a blessing over the last few weeks as i have met with them and shared my heart and felt truly safe. i am learning what it means to truly accept what safe looks like and what it means to be who god is calling me to be. i am truly hungry for truth and everything that comes along with that. i am coming to real grips that i am a daughter of the lord most high that he choose me and that he has a real plan for my life. The summer is here and i so look forward to all that god has planned for me through the VYC Internship. so till next time stand in who u are !!

Things Hit Right Between The Eyes

So today was one of those messages at church where u leave feeling wow that was just what i needed. Maybe it was the people that sat around you, the worship u just needed to hear or the overall message. Today was all three as i sat near close friends that have walked with me through a lot of heavy things in my life. The worship that spoke something brand new into my heart or the message that spoke to a whole new room in my house of my heart. Rooms of my heart have had makeovers and complete demos but today i discovered there are more rooms then i ever cared to see. Maybe a room that has had a secret door where another room awaits healing and the discovery of whats rooted deep in the corner. Today as i sit and try and process through some stuff that is in those deep corners i discover i have been given eyes to truly see whats in there. the old me would have seen whats in there and said no way close that door way to messy. But here i am and i see what the mess is and say god have your way in this room and remodel and restore the broken. i see more then ever today that i have been stuck because i have opened this door before and closed the door because it was to shameful to look at and what i have been up to, but today i stand and say enough i want god and all that he has for me even if that means i am messy. god would never bring me through something if he didnt first prepare the way for me. I stand in the truth of who i am today a little bit stronger.

Just Living For the day

Peacemaker, Fear Taker, Soul Soother, Storm Smoother
Light Shiner, Lost Finder, Cloud Lifter, Deliverer,
Heart Toucher, Truth Lover,
Who other could be Fear Taker, Peacemaker to me,

Mind Clearer, Sigh Healer, Hand Holder, Consolor,
Wound Binder, Tear Dryer, Strength Giver, Provider,
Heart Healer, Kind Father,
Who other could be, My Savior, Peacemaker to me,
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/greg_ferguson/peace_maker.html ]
Let Your Peace Rule in my heart,
Let Your kindness fill my thoughts,
Let Your strength secure my soul,
Let Your peace take hold in me,
Let Your Wisdom guide my will,
Your compassion fill this place,
Let my anxious thoughts be still,
Let Your peace rule in my Heart,

[Chorus]
I need You,
(Let Your Peace Rule in my heart, )
I need You,
(Let Your kindness fill my thoughts, )
I need You,
(Let Your strength secure my soul, )
In My Life Lord,
(Let Your peace take hold in me, )
I Trust You,
(Let Your Wisdom guide my will, )
Believe You,
(Your compassion fill this place, )
I need You.
(Let my anxious thoughts be still, )
Lord, in my Life I Know
(Let Your peace rule in my Heart, )

(Repeat Chorus)

Heart Toucher, Truth Lover
Who other could be, Fear Taker, Peacemaker to me

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/greg_ferguson/#share

So this song has been on my favorite playlist for about 3 years now and every time it plays i really stop and it brings me back to where i first heard this song. It was a retreat that i went on and this is one if the reflection songs that played on repeat for a long time maybe thats why i can sing all the words without the music. There a just a few songs that i feel that have changed my life and this is for sure one of them. I know a lot of the things that god is but when hearing this song it made me actually feel the things that are my father. As i walk through different seasons of my life and see how faithful God has been this song plays and i just have to say thank you to him that holds my life.

Learning to Live Fully Alive

Over the past few weeks things have been all over the radar for me. I still need a place to live i still need a job but i am living different in my heart i feel more alive than ever before. I trust that God has all the details of a new home and job in his hands. I am learning what it looks like to stand and fight for myself and not allow the people/things of the world to get the best of me. I want with everything in me to only live to bring glory and honor to my king. I have allowed myself to be honest about things that have to go and be gone for a while or forever. Letting go of things is hard for me because i am a people person and try to make everyone happy all the time. The people pleaser is leaving and the GCI is shining through. Living different is hard and not fun at times but at the same time is filling me with joy and hope i have never had before, i am finding all i need in the only perfect God. So this time in my life when things are all over the radar my heart is moving and growing in ways i never thought i be at. Today i sit and look back over the last month i have been back, wow so many things i wanted to do and have done by now and tho alot of those things didnt happen God is faithful in giving me what i need in his timing. Learning to live fully alive

Untitled

I have been back in Eau Claire for two weeks and its seems like everything that could go wrong is. I cant find a job and thats is hard cause i need one really bad. It seems like the more that i look for one the harder it is to find one. I have looked everywhere and there are places that are hiring but i dont have any type of degree so it makes it hard to find something good. I am trusting that God will provide the job he has for me. Wednesday of this week my mom and i found out that we have to move. Our landlord died, the house sold and now the new landlord is jacking the rent up my 300 and my mom cant afford that. She is moving in with Roger and I have no idea where i am going. All i have is to trust in is God and his timing for everything. I am feeling lost and scared in this but now that i dont have to worry and be fearful of what may or may not happen i cling to the life of my father. the verse that keeps coming to me is“But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil.” (Proverbs 1:33). That verse along with others is the driving force that keeps me.

Its Been Awhile

Wow its been awhile since i have been on here. i kinda forgot i had this. :) Alot as changed since September 2010 i moved to Indiana and things have been so different. I know live with my sister and family and thats been good to just be around family. God has been so good at providing a great church and a good youth group that i am no helping with. When i first got here things were hard with me wanting to go to church because coming from a church that i loved so much and really didn't want to leave i was a little nervous about trying something new. I tryed to go into moving here with a open mind and heart but it was hard. i trusted that god would still be god even in the mist of all the changes. i moved here to help my sister out with my nephew because she went back to work. I have learned so many things since i have been here, last year i watched as my friends went away to college and asked god when will it be my turn. So here i am 6 hrs away and having to grow up. Tho its been hard and challenging at times i am still trusting that God has my best in mind and that he will use me here for his glory.

Stop and Slow Down

So its been a long time since i have written, so heres a post. i have been super busy with school and i had my gal bladder taken out. i have also been helping at the warming center so all that stuff has kept me really busy. while being in the hospital there was many things that i learned and that i seen and heard from god that i want to share. first i want to say is that it was very painful to have my gall bladder taken out. i was laying in the bed on Thursday and i was alone and waiting to go in for surgery and i really felt gods presence like i have never felt it before. it wasn't like a over whelming feeling is was a peace feeling like he was sitting there and just holding me. he was there and for the first time in my life i felt completely held and in that moment i could not help but cry. that feeling has been with me and i cant shake it and frankly i don't want to shake it:) when i was laying in bed i thought to myself that the reason i got sick was so i could slow down and focus on what god is teaching me and stop trying to figure everything out on my own. thats about what is going in my life at the moment.

Let Love Carry You

Coming home from womens retreat wow what a weekend. god really showed up in more ways then i have ever experienced before. every time that i have ever shared my story i always left that conversation feeling really messy and wondering if that other person thought i was to messy. i had the opportunity to share my story with someone that i didnt really know i mean i have seen her and meet her through some other friends but thats it. i told her my story in a way that i have never told it before. i just told her everything and i mean everything. after telling her i felt refreshed and it felt so good. i have no idea why i felt like that but i did. i felt gods hand leading me through the whole thing and that was crazy awesome. just being back for three days now i can feel the change that my heart is undertaking and its crazy painful but free at the same time. love has carried me through and when the storms of life starts to take over love has carried me. allow gods love to pick u up, right where u are and carry you.

Womens Retreat Here I Come

Sometimes in the chaos of life i forget how much god loves me. i have noticed that throughout my day i see god working in my classroom, in people i have never meet, and so on. it takes little things like that to make me see how much god cares for me. i am embarking on a new adventure tomorrow as i go to womens retreat with all different types of women from church. i can just feel god stirring something big for me on this trip. i am going with open eyes to see and a open heart to experience everything god as for me on this trip. i do have to admit i am really nervous because i am going to be around a lot of women for 3 days. thats makes me say ok god i know i am going for a reason and i don't know what that is but i am trusting that you have it all taken care of. i look forward to the conversations i am going to have and the messages that are going to be spoken to my heart. i pray that i god moves not just within me but in every women going.

To Be Known

We all want to be known and want to be loved and i think that sometimes we get lost in the things of this world a lot. so often we want the newest thing or the new look but in the end will it matter if u have the newest thing..no not at all. So why do we want those things because we want to be known for something weather thats the latest look or tech device people take notice to that kind of stuff. Next time something new comes out they will look to you to have it. you will be known for whatever it may be. what if we were known as people that lived and loved like jesus with everything that we had. Imagine what that could look like for u and the lives of your friends and family. so can we put down the newest you fill in the blank and fix our eyes on our creator. just a thought i had and the way that i am living my life to be known not for what i can get out of something but how god can use me and move through me to reach his children.

What A Week Its Only Wednesday

wow what a week and its only wednesday. i have managed stay up past 1am doing homework for three days in a row, i have drank more coffee in the last 3 days then i have in the last month. its just been crazy busy with tests and papers due almost everyday this week. i like to learn but i dont like all this homework. its been good to just be still when i can and its been hard to find time but i have to because whenever i am i just calm down from the stress of life and let god love on me. thats been something that i have been learning that no matter how busy i get i love spending time with my father and thats what keeps me grounded everyday. these lyrics are a song that i found that i really like.

You Are Everything-Matthaw West

Where would I be without someone to save me Someone who won’t let me fall You are everything that I live for Everything that I can’t believe is happening You’re standing right in front of me With arms wide open All I know is Every day is filled with hope You are everything that I believe for And I can’t help but breathe you in

Out Of My Hands

this all is so out of my hands and into the hands of where it belongs. for so long i just wanted things the way that i wanted them and well let me tell you it didnt work out so well. there are to many things that i dont understand so i put my trust that its in your will and its all in your hands. i put my faith hope and love in what you have for me and where you are leading me. i have no idea and no control over where that might be, but thats ok because it all comes from you my father.

.

Things Are Changing

Things are really changing and thats something that i am having a hard time with. Its really hitting me that i no longer have most of my friends here to talk to or hang out with and that really sucks. I have alot of people here that love and support me but its just different. I miss my friends alot. Its been hard because i have grown close to alot of people and now they are not here. it was hard to say goodbye and watch them walk away because my biggest fear is that like in past goodbyes they never came back. Given these are different people and different situations i am still scared. i no that god has big plans for my friends and i no that he has big plans for me and cant wait to see what all those plans are. School started and thats just different altogether. I dont really know anyone and its just a different set up. I can miss class and i wont get a detention or anything like that. its cool in a sense that i can do what i want but there really isnt any stucture. Things are changing and god is the painter of this whole masterpiece i may not no where i am going next year or what i may be doing but i do know that his love is true and real and is showing me right where i need to be.